Interview With Shon Hyneman and His New Book "It's the Woman You Gave Me" - Part 1

Viktorya: I am excited about the positive feedback you have received since your first book. I will admit, the second book It’s the Woman You Gave Me, was not what I had expected. I really thought that it would be something along the lines of honoring your wife in all ways, including taking responsibility verses blaming everything on her. Please give us an outline of your book It’s the Woman You Gave Me.

Shon: “It’s the woman you gave me” is about getting past blaming others for where we are currently in life if we are in a bad situation. The book focus on our (and mine) childhood, single parenting, blaming our spouses and past situations.

After sin occurred in the garden and Adam ate the fruit, God asked Adam “what happened?” and the first thing Adam says is “It’s the woman you gave me” and since Adam made that statement (eve also blames the snake; ladies I have not forgot about you) the blame game has stayed on our tongues since.

Viktorya: Before diving into the heart of this book, I wanted to ask about the poems you included. Being a poet myself, I was especially intrigued with these. Please tell us why you included them and what makes the two poets special to you.

Shon: I added poems to the book to take a different approach to writing books. That will be the format with every book I write. An opening poem and a closing poem. Well, the first poem (the intro) is my son and the closing poem is my younger sister. They are both talented in the area of poetry.

Viktorya: Your testimony caught my attention like nothing else. Please shorten it and give us highlights of what brought you to God.

Shon: What brought me to God were a broken heart of a past relationship and the repeated cycle of women, drugs, alcohol and partying. It took me to depression so I called out to God.

Viktorya: You mentioned in your book “It’s the Woman You Gave Me”, how “music creates a powerful atmosphere in which the human soul can be inspired to act in ways it wouldn’t otherwise”. This is a very profound statement. It is very true. Music is extremely powerful both in a negative and positive way. Can you elaborate on the influence of music?

Shon: Music is a very powerful tool. For example when exercising , listening to a song that gets you excited makes you want to go the extra mile. If you are listening to music with sexual content, guess what you are going to think about…sex. Music should be monitored around children and pre teens because they will listen to anything as long as the beat is good regardless of the content of the song.

Viktorya: I like how you talked about a child seeing his mother being abused will grow up to think its normal until he is otherwise taught. Please elaborate on a man’s God given role in regards to respecting the women in his life.

Shon: When a man don’t know how to respect a woman, it’s because his parents did not teach him respect growing up; and the classic example: when the child grows up in a single parent home and the child sees mom or dad sleep around a lot and the child grows up thinking this type of behavior is “normal.”

Viktorya: What would you say to a man who was abused as a child and wants to make a change to better himself? Give him some words of wisdom.

Shon: Learn to forgive the one who abused him. If he harbors the heart, he will only damage the one’s he love. He has to accept the love of Jesus to change and move past the hurt that has happened to him.

Viktorya: Since I am more intrigued with relationships in regards to marriage, than any other, please tell us how a man who was abused can accept love from his wife and children. Please tell us how he can show it. What are the steps or the process?

Shon: He can accept their love by letting his wife and children love him unconditionally and let his wife show him her affection and respect. He can show love to his wife and kids by not letting the past abuse that happened to him regurgitate in his marriage and break that generational curse of abuse.

Viktorya: Being a single mom of two boys who don’t have a male role model (including their father) in their life, what advice could you give me in regards to loving them so they can grow up to be affectionate husbands and dads.

Shon: Get them involved in church programs for young men or get them involved in sports. Make sure that they see some positive men in their lives. Also, always tell them “mommy loves you” and give them plenty of kisses and hugs.

Viktorya: I love your statement “After all, real women want their husbands to be leaders.” Thanks for being a man who agrees with me. Now please elaborate on this.

Shon: A woman wants her man to lead. Not to abuse his authority over his wife and kids. I believe women want him to have a plan for his family and their future. Not to just work every day and hope something happens.

Viktorya: What is the best advice that you can give to today’s modern society dad? Speaking of the dad who thinks he has to keep up with the Jones’ and maintain a Godly home.

Shon: To tell today’s dad to get a vision for him and his family. With the economy and jobs that are scarce, he needs to map out a plan and follow through with the vision.

Viktorya: We hear enough about single mom’s raising kids. There are single dads who have raised theirs as well. I have an uncle in Michigan who raised my cousin since he was born. He is now 19. I have another uncle here in Louisiana who raised his three kids for the past five years, since their mom died. What advice can you give single dads in regards to showing affection to their children?

Shon: Men can show affection to their children by hugging and kissing their children. I shower my daughter with hugs and kisses so when she is older, she will be secure and not have to look for love in all the wrong places.

Viktorya: It was nice to learn that fathers are more involved with their children now than they were in the past, according to Michael Kimmel in Manhood of America: A Cultural History. Please give us examples of this.

Shon: I see numerous single dad’s at my church that raise their children on their own. Too bad these dad’s don’t get the credit they deserve.

Viktorya: Since I want to make this a three part interview and leave this with the emphasis on “the man He gave us”, please tell us what God given role a man must have in order to maintain a prosperous household full of love for his family.

Shon: He must show unconditional love to his wife consistently. When she knows she is loved by him, she will help make her household prosperous.

Please follow this link to get to know Shon and Londina Hyneman better.

Interview with Shon Hyneman: Christian Relationship Expert

Viktorya: As I was reading the introduction to your book , If You Apply These Principles… , I noticed in the introduction you mentioned a quote by Zig Ziglar. Tell us the quote and what it means to you. How do you define success? How can a family be a successful unit? Please give examples.

Shon: Zig defines success as “The maximum utilization of the ability that you have.” I thought that was the closest definition to success as possible. What I got out of his definition is when you use your gifts and talents (whatever they are) to impact someone life in a positive, unforgettable way.

My Pastor back home in Cleveland has had an unforgettable impact on me. He was the first father figure to me and he showed me how to become a better Christian in my everyday life. Not only did he teach me but he showed me also.

A family can be a successful unit by everyone (in the household) being a positive example to those who are around them. A family is headed in the right direction when other family members start to ask you questions about how to be and do better for their family.

Viktorya: I also noticed that you mentioned your father in your introduction. Is there a reason why you mentioned him there? Also, thanks for the excerpt from your book “It’s The Woman You Gave Me.” I may have answered my own question, but how do you use those experiences with your absent family (of many years) to inspire others?

Shon: I mentioned him because I wanted the reader to know something that bothered me as a person growing up and how I had to fight through dealing with my father’s past and how it affected me. I tell people to keep a relationship with their children even if they don’t live in the same household. My dad had another family without me knowing. My sisters and I all looked alike but never would have known them until the funeral.

Some men have a child with this woman and that woman, and then he marries someone else in another state, therefore having multiple kids in different places. I joked around with my wife before we got married and used to tell her “make sure we aren’t brother and sister because we never know who we are related to until a funeral…”

Viktorya: When you first mentioned to me (on eHow) that you wanted to send me a book, I thought it was a book strictly about tips for relationships for couples, mainly. I found that there is a lot of foundational and useful information for any relationship. Not to mention other helpful advice. Can you give us a brief outline of If You Apply These Principles… ?

Shon: The book is about God’s principles and how we should follow them. Most people don’t understand how practical God is. For example Prov. 16:3 says “Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.” So without getting deep this scripture says to me if I work for the Lord my plans will come to pass. It doesn’t mean that I have to work for my church in order for my plans to come to pass.

Working for the Lord is being obedient to his word at ALL times weather at work, school or at the mall. We call it being “on duty.” For the latter part of that scripture says “your plans will be established.” Now if my plan is to open strip clubs because I know that I can make a lot of money, will God establish that, no. But he will establish something like a group home for pregnant unwed mothers who made a mistake in thinking that they would have never gotten pregnant. So we see the practicality of God with scriptures like Prov.16:3.

Viktorya: Can you break down your concept of “regaining order in one’s life”, like you did in your book. Please implement the sports examples. I thought that it was an awesome way to show comparisons.

Shon: The Bible says that everything should be done in decency and in order. Order keeps you from being all over the place mentally and physically. When there is not order there is confusion, who wants to be confused? If you are a sports fan then this is the book for you because there are so many parallels to sports and life. For example I talk about how important a quarterback and wide receiver relationship is.

It’s the same way in a marriage if the quarterback loses confidence in his receiver because he had a few dropped balls; the QB still has to trust the WR even when the WR is having a bad game. Same way in a marriage: if you are having a bad week, don’t give up on him just because he had a few “dropped balls” or he has dropped the ball in some areas of his life. Don’t give up on him; just keep throwing him the ball to build his confidence back.

Viktorya: I love the quarterback/wide reciever example. It is so true! Please explain the importance of disciplining your children. Describe discipline.

Shon: Discipline is when you don’t feel like doing something but does it anyway. It’s being proactive. Disciplining your children is vital to their growth as a person. God disciplines his children (read Heb. 12) to make them better. Disciplining your children don’t always have to be with a switch; it can be taking away their T.V. or ipod from them. But when all else fails…get the belt. God is for spanking, (when your child have done wrong or been disobedient) read throughout the book of Proverbs.

There are so many adults who wished that their parents spanked them for doing wrong when they were growing up, because now as adults they realize that everything will not be given to them to pacify them just because they had a tantrum as an adult. It worked as a child and the parents thought it was ok, but it became a pattern throughout their childhood to being an adult.

Viktorya: What do you understand about headship and please explain Godly headship in a home. Why is this important?

Shon: Godly headship is when you have integrity and consistency and can be depended upon by your family. It’s important because you breed what happens in the home to the children and wife. What happens in the home come out in public over time. For example when my daughter was in daycare I used to see little boys punching the girls, now where does a 3 yr old get that behavior from? Or the wife who is abandoned from her husband mentally and physically, he is still present in the home but the mental and physical is far away from her.

After time passes what does the wife do? She haves an affair with her co-worker. She knows it is wrong, but her needs were not being met. I wish men understood the impact that they have in the home.

Viktorya: That is so true in many cases. Some of us just grown dull and bitter, like I did. It’s a hard place to be. What are the most important things to a man when it comes to expectations of his wife (or partner)?

Shone: Sex, respect and a healthy fear of God. She can be Halle Berry, but if she lacks these three main ingredients there will be problems.

Sex: Because we are men, we simply need it. (Especially when she takes care of herself physically). She is all we have.

Respect: Because no man likes a woman who can’t control her tongue. Most women miss this and belittle him by not watching what she says. Know why some men go to strip clubs? The stripper tells him what he wants to hear with very little clothes on. (I told a friend of mines one time “if you want your husband to take out the trash, put a thong on and some make up). Men are visual.

Fear of God: When she fears God a man don’t have to worry about her if she is doing something she shouldn’t. If she does, then that is between her and God. Some men try to control their wife life by watching everything they do. If she is going to do something wrong she is going to do it and you cannot control her if you are her boyfriend or her husband.

Viktorya: I can agree and believe it or not, many woman do understand, but like your book says, sometimes we don’t actually “do-it” for our own spouse; even as we know we should or that it is the right thing to do. What is your opinion (from a male point-of-view) about a woman’s expectations of her husband (or partner). I want to bring Londina in on this, as well.

Shon: The sad thing about this question is that most men don’t have a clue that is why most marriages fail. Her expectation of a man is to provide, love and to protect her.

Provide: The necessities of food and shelter (and occasional shopping for herself. lol!)

Protect: From the dangers of life; like other men (who wants to use her) and people who don’t have her best interest. To hold her in his arms when she is hurt.

Love: To protect her heart from anymore heartbreak. To know that he loves her unconditionally.

Viktorya: These are questions for Londina. What are some ways that a woman can reverence her husband. What are some of the most important ways? Also, what is important to her in regards to what her husband should do for her?

Londina: The Bible says for Wives to “respect their own Husbands.”

-First, accept, be obedient and trust God when he said that the man is the head of the woman and Christ is the head of man. (Eph 5:23) To focus on the husbands strengths and not his weaknesses. To praise him and appreciate him for all the things he does as a husband and father. Speak to him respectfully (never talk down to him). A man’s home should be a place of rest, safety and being built up. There are too many things tearing him down outside the home.

-A Wife should be a crown to her husband (prov. 12:4) Crown means “to encircle for protection.” When you respect your husband you protect his mind, heart, ego and vision from being broken. Respect makes his home a place of restoration. The Bible tells husbands to love his wife as Christ loves the church. (Eph 5:25) A woman needs her husband to speak good things into her life. She needs him to desire her and not to do it just because he is supposed to, but because he wants too. She needs to be the closest one to him after God.

Viktorya: When you say a woman needs to feel protected by her husband, what exactly do you mean?

Londina: A woman needs to feel protected by her husband means that he will not tear her down and he won’t allow anyone else to. A husband and wife should build each other up.

Viktorya: Why is it important for Christ to be the center of a marriage and family?

Londina: God created marriage and he is the only one who knows how to make it work. God is the only one who knows everyone’s heart and how to change them. God must be the center of every marriage in order for it to work.

Example:

When I fix my daughter’s hair in twisted ponytails (2 parts) and barrettes and send her to school she looks so cute and beautiful. When I pick her up from school most of her barrettes are gone and her hair is messy. When I braid her hair (3 parts) with beads she is just as cute and beautiful. But when I pick her up from school her hair is just as beautiful as when I dropped her off at school. As a matter of fact it stays together for a couple of weeks!

Even when I wash it (her hair). See, a twist takes two parts of hair twisted together. This represents husband and wife trying to make the marriage work alone. The marriage ends up unraveling. The braid takes three parts of hair braided together and is very strong and hard to come apart. The three parts represents husband, wife and most important God. When you keep God in the center of your marriage it will be strong, beautiful and last till death do you apart.

Viktorya: Where do you see your ministry in about 5 years?

Shon: I see Never Again Ministries going around the U.S. doing marriage and family seminars and retreats along with selling books, DVDS and CDS of the seminars and class sessions.

Viktorya: Are you planning on writing anymore books? Please explain.

Shon: Sure! My new book which is due late September 2009, entitled “It’s the Woman You Gave Me” is about why we play the blame game in our marriages, relationships or blame our parents and our past hurts and disappointments for our current issues now. Originally I planned on releasing a book every September for the next five years. I have five books in the chamber waiting to get out. I might not be able to do it with me being in school (I am going to a Christian college to get my degree in marriage and family counseling) now. I have two books with collaborations with two very knowledgeable men of God.

They are: Hurt by the Church.

(Collaboration) Sometimes people in the church are worst than the people on the streets. Why is that?

Can you handle me? (Collaboration) Should a man tell his wife everything that goes on in his mind? Even if he needs her help in a certain area? You sure you want to know?

The Initiator. If your marriage is on the rocks, who is going to be the initiator to help save the marriage? Are you willing to be the initiator for your marriage? God was the initiator for mankind when he sent his only Son to die for us although we didn’t deserve it.

Viktorya: What other books do you have available? Is anyone allowed to get a free print of If You Apply These Principles… ? If so, how?

Shon: If You Apply These Principles… was my first book. Sorry, there will be no more free copies of my book. I just ran some free copies on ehow.com to the first 5 people who wanted to hear what I had to say…

If you want to email me send it to arizonashon@aol.com or to purchase a copy of my first book go to neveragainministries.weebly.com. Also, for the new book “It’s the Woman You Gave Me” is due out September 3, 2009. You can purchase that book on yorkshirepublishing.com where I will be the feature author of the month.

Viktorya: Is there anything else that you or Londina may want to address?

Shon: No, thanks for the opportunity to interview us!

Viktorya: Oh thank you all. I am sure that a lot of us can take your advice! Oh before I forget, it’s interesting that you are from Cleveland, Ohio. Yet are now in Mesa, Arizona. What a big contrast! Why the move? Also, my family lives close to you all. They are in Tucson, Az.

Shon: Job opportunities and my mother in law planned on moving and retiring

Viktorya: That is great! What an awesome opportunity to have interviewed you all. I look forward to many more opportunities and keep us updated on your ministry. God bless you and your family!